Awkward silence feels like facing a massive black hole.
The closer you get to a black hole, the more you realize that shit is going to hit the fan. At first, you slowly approach it… but once you get closer, it starts pulling you in stronger and stronger:
Time starts slowing down. Your body gets pulled apart. You get shredded to pieces… Until you finally get sucked into nothingness.
It’s Just Like When Having a Conversation During a Date:
You start with a few questions. Then you realize you don’t know what to say.
Awkward silence builds up. You panic. Now, the silence feels like an entirety. And second, by second you get mentally shredded, realizing you‘re hitting a dead-end.
See where it all started?
The moment you thought, “I don’t know what to say”, is where it all begins. Most guys believe they always need to have something to say. Otherwise, the conversation will be boring.
So how do you avoid silence on date?
Be Honest
Let’s get one thing clear: Women feel nervous too. Not only that, but they also don’t know what to say more often than you might think.
By being honest about your inner blank screen, you can confidently lead the conversation and address the elephant in the room.
The result? She’ll feel more comfortable, and the whole conversation gets relaxed. Not only that, you’ll get massive bonus points from her.
Let me explain.
Being honest has two main benefits:
First, you are Taking Advantage of the Underdog Principle.
Did you ever wonder why almost every movie starts by introducing a flawed main character?
There is a simple reason why Hollywood uses this principle so often:
We all sympathize, relate, and root for the flawed hero rather than the perfect Superman. By sharing the vulnerable side of a movie character, you emotionally connect with him or her.
In other words: you care about the main character, and you want him to succeed during the rest of the movie.
Dating works the same.
If you admit your flaws in a way a woman can relate to, you help her connect with you emotionally. And once this connection is established, she’ll think and care about you.
It’s kind of like becoming her very own personal dating hero.
Second, by being honest, you also instantly create trust with her.
Building trust is absolutely essential if you want to skyrocket your dating skill.
If a woman trusts you, she can feel comfortable around you. And if she feels comfortable with you, she can allow herself to get intimate with you. And if she’s ok with the thought of getting intimate with you, she’ll much more likely show signs of sexual attraction towards you.
Ultimately making dating way easier for you instead of guessing if she’s into you or not.
Unfortunately, most guys miss the chance to build genuine trust because they would rather hide the fact that they don’t know what to say. So they keep playing cool and pretend to be ok.
The result? Their conversation stays stuck on a surface level that only builds a surface-level friendship, aka the friend zone.
But enough talk. It’s time for an example. So what can you do when you’re on a date and don’t know what to say before awkward silence comes up?
You can say:
“I don’t know what to say right now, can you help me out? How about a random fact about yourself?”
Try it out and thank me later.
The Best Conversation Topic to Avoid Awkward Silence
Of course, you can’t just be honest and expect her to maintain a perfect conversation after.
The topic you talk about can play a major role in whether a conversation feels exciting and natural or boring and forced.
But before I can reveal the best topic to talk about, I need to ask you a question:
What’s the goal of a first date?
Most guys have trouble giving a clear answer. But knowing the goal of the first date helps you to stay focused on what’s important.
Why?
Because awkward silence happens when you’re stuck and don’t know what to do.
So what is it you should focus on during your first date?
It’s this: The first date is there to help you figure out if you like her AND to give her a chance to figure out if she likes you too.
And guess what, small talk is doing absolutely nothing for you with this goal in mind.
Neither is asking her factual questions during your date:
”What do you do for a living?”
Woman: “I’m a lawyer.”
“Great, I’m a programmer.”
… silence.
So what to talk about instead?
Talk About her
Yep, the favorite topic of every human being on this planet is themselves. For example, you could ask her WHY she decided to become a lawyer in the example above.
How do you do this correctly?
Most often than not, a woman won’t answer deeper questions like this unless you open up first. In other words, you could tell her why you chose your career before asking her.
If you don’t, she might feel too uncomfortable sharing such personal information.
But that’s what you want. You want to make her feel comfortable talking about herself. Because once both of you feel comfortable together, you give awkward silence no chance, almost like with a good friend.
Think about it. If you have silent moments with your best friend, it doesn’t feel awkward. It’s because you feel comfortable around each other. There is no need to feel awkward.
Do you see how everything we talked about so far starts to connect? Be honest, build trust, be open, be vulnerable, and she will follow. Once you start taking the lead and do not expect women to do it for you, your conversations will start flowing naturally, and awkward silence will become a thing of the past.
But, like with all skills, leading a conversation and moving toward a deep connection on a first date can be hard initially.
So how about some deep open end questions you can use on your next date?
And how about a quick breakdown of each of these questions, so you understand why they work?
Sounds good? Then take out your pen and paper:
5 Questions to Avoid Awkward Silence… and a Boring First Date
We’re about to go deep. So deep that you could end up talking about things she never even talked with her best friends about. But this is what we want. It makes you different, unique, exciting… memorable.
Once you get consistent with this, awkward silence will feel like a myth to you.
To get you started, here are some of the many questions you can ask a girl:
1. What is the most embarrassing moment you had in school?
Most guys make the mistake of asking and talking only about positive experiences. But a real deep connection is formed by sharing painful and negative experiences. There is a reason why it’s called brothers in arms. Because you cannot have a bigger bond with someone than after having experienced the brutal carnage of war.
2. Where in the world would you like to live if you could live anywhere?
This question can help you figure out what motivates her in life. As most people live in the city because of their job or out of comfort, this question is great to dig deeper into. She’ll imagine all the things she’d like to see and experience, which could become a topic for hours in itself.
3. What does your perfect day look like?
Take good notes on this question. You can make use of her answer later when you’re in a relationship; Doing all or parts of the things she’d love to do in a day. Make sure to share your perfect day, too, so she can reciprocate the favor one day.
4. What cartoon did you watch the most as a child?
It’s a fun and light-hearted question. Chances are you watched the same cartoons, which makes for a quick and easy similarity to talk about. And yes, women can enjoy Dragonball too.
5. What is your best childhood memory?
Childhood has a big impact on the way we behave as adults. This question can give you great insight into why she behaves the way she does. Plus, she’ll associate positive, nostalgic feelings with you since you’re the guy who reminds her about these memories.
Now go out and try these questions. Let me know how it went in the comments down below.
Your Efficient Dating Advisor,
Herman The German
[This article was written by our guest expert Herman the German. Check out his latest dating discoveries for free at: www.becomeherman.com]